I apparently need to write my father a letter.

My grandma is undergoing hospice care.
He's leaving this weekend to be with her.

I'm contemplating going up there to visit while I help my mother.

I'm also contemplating the ramifications of saying fuck you to both of them and dealing with my own shit while I can.

This anger reminds me of Anakin Skywalker & Harry Potter.
Anakin is described as having a dragon in his heart. Growing & spitting fire, it consumes him.
Harry is pretty fucking emo but he's always saying shit like: "I'm just so angry all the time."

I know fighting won't solve anything.
I know it is a lesser way of resolving conflict.
I know there is a better way.

I never knew one of the symptoms of bi-polar disorder was increased irritability.

I just took a quiz through the uni's online self-help center.

They say if you answered yes to more than one of the questions, you should probably seek follow-up treatment for a better diagnosis.

I answered yes to 19/20 on bi-polar.

I guess it really just explains a lot.

I'm not shocked. I've studied the disorder a bit...
and yet I can't help but wonder how I could have not self-diagnosed it.

I guess back then, it hadn't hit me hard yet.
I hadn't yet lost my best friend to my mood swings.

And now that I have, I can't help but wonder if it's too late.