• 18:21 HAPPY HANUKKAH! #fb #
• 22:55 @anthonyfontana Thanks bro! #

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• 02:45 So cold I wanted to crawl inside a Tauntaun on the way home from work. #fb #

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• 00:37 @cahcat I liked the action alot. It was really well done. The plot was paper thin, which is ok for a ninja film. #
• 06:20 @cahcat Venture Brothers? #

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• 16:38 @cahcat Stop watching my tv! #
• 17:48 @cahcat OK, I guess we can lol #
• 00:02 @cahcat Just got home from Ninja Assassin to find Kung Fu Hustle on :) #

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• 01:13 'oH chuchHommeylI'! #fb #klingon (translate: bit.ly/4NP4jC) #
• 13:19 RT @OfficialKat: Saw 'New Moon'...and I would like to know why all the werewolves wear jean shorts. Nevernudes? #fb #

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• 01:31 lIj Duj ghaH veQ scow #fb #klingon (translate: bit.ly/6Nok9a) #
• 01:40 'oH ghaH QaQ jaj Daq Hegh #fb #klingon (translate: bit.ly/65DXyw) #
• 20:38 @cahcat Woo Buckaroo! #

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• 20:35 Obama: "America will have to show our strength in the way that we end wars and prevent conflict, not just how we wage wars" #

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Do you remember me?
Do you know who I am?

Maybe you did once. Maybe you were certain too.

No longer do you stare with confidence at what looks back.

Now you're just another lost one, dragging your feet away from the reflection.

You were someone once. You had dreams. You worked hard. You tried to do good.

Now, anymore, there is no knowledge of what is haunting you.

Push everyone away, in isolation you'll decay
until there's nothing left to miss.

I miss me. I don't know what happened. I don't know where I went.

• 00:10 Your tauntaun will freeze before you reach the first marker! #fb #

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so i am not actually dead for those of you who might have wondered.

corpse_sing has been an ex-junkie for about 30 days and nights. from 120 mg methadone and a few grams of heroin a day with some benzos on top like a cherry to nothing which was about 3 weeks of absolute hell on earth. i think i tried to walk into oncoming traffic about 15 times. then i got the flu right after it. anyway, what have i been doing?

my future husband left for his home on the east coast today. he drank all day and kept pushing me away b/c guys have to be idiots when it comes to saying goodbye, i'll see you soon. hes not very trusting which i understand, but it still hurts. at least i know that he cares even if he says he wants every memory of us to disappear so it wont be so sharp and painful for the time that we are apart.

ive also been in jail LOL b/c i got in a fight and the fucking cops pigs came and freaked the fuck out. i met hella cool people in county and then after nearly a week i posted bail and got the fuck out but yeah, some experience. not one i really wanted, but i have one of the best lawyers in the country and them pricks fucking FALSIFIED the report, i kid you not. outright lied, i was surprised but i shouldn't have been, not in this damned country at this time in history.

so a dumb ass fight where literally nobody got hurt (well...bruises, and i got bitten hahaha wtf) turns into a damned aggravated assault and death threats charge. i mean, who the fuck hasn't said they were going to kill someone in a moment of anger? blew that shit way out of proportion.

worst part wasn't even fucking cavity searches, but my arraignment where they took me to court at 4 am and then chained me to a bar in a tiny, cold as hell cell and refused to give me any food, water or my asthma inhaler all damned day. i literally started chewing on a fucking napkin. then they fucked with my head by telling me they would release me and then saying i was going to prison and there was nothing i could do about it. never got to call my lawyer that first night and was never read my rights.

i was so upset by court time that i kind of toilet papered the cell and broke the pay phone haha and the judge increased my bail by 20 grand. the officers at twin towers felt bad for me though cuz they knew my situation and were really nice to me, even when i fucked shit up, so i guess there are some ok people in the system not like it really matters.

the best shit was the other folks, before court we were all handcuffed so we fed each other like the last supper haha. several women gave me their contact info and said i could even stay with them as long as i needed to if i found myself without shelter which has occured a few times in the last couple months. ive handled it though, here and there.

i have a real working diagnosis for my health stuff now, pediatric autoimmune neuropsychiatric disease associated with streptococcal virus, otherwise known as PANDAS, triggered by viral encephalitis. rheum thought mild SLE too (a kind of lupus). so them steroids again it will be. and maybe a TENS unit for pain. sed rate of 40, c reactive protein around 8, positive ANA titer, positive ASO antibody titer. unfortunately kaiser just manages us crips cuz i'd love to get into a clinical trial. treatment is only in the experimental stages right now. fuckin a, ive had so many diagnoses, i feel like this is finally on the right track though.

bla bla blah, pain is pretty bad, im going to go lay down and watch monk.

a few more words though, i saw this chemical dependency doc one fuckin day and she pinned me as a lying junkie scum and almost verbatim said it to my fucking face. dumb bitch. and you better believe i told her where to stick it after she bitched me out. fired that skank ho immediately. hate doctors like that who think that after seeing you one fuckin time they know your whole story and what you are about. i couldn't believe my own ears, she had me seething.

and, after everything ive been through, i feel much stronger than anyone who has hurt me in my life. y'all can't touch this now. my eyes and my entire face are different. i feel like ive survived. if i can go through cold turkey methadone withdrawal i think i can do anything. words just don't hurt me anymore and you better believe punches or kicks don't even penetrate me. i'm safe.

listening 2 elliot smith, have been slamming poetry, end story, really must go lay down now batches. love you all.

truly,

quinn