Today, of all days...
I woke up
at 11:30,
half an hour after work started without me,
and my guitar was calling to me.

I played well,
I didn't make mistakes all too often,
and the Kyle said it shall be good.

I came up with at least 3 new songs.
I wrote one of them down.

O.o

I even told myself how to play it on the piece of paper.

It has repeats
and swells
and lots and lots and craptons of delay.

Christ, I adore it like a child.
I will probably never adore anything in that way, because I don't really plan on having children
but I loved it.


I've been waiting for so long for something to come along

slap me in the face and say

"HEY, THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO DO NUMBNUTS!"

But it never happened.


And when I dream about playing guitar or bass in a band-
that's all it is -
a pipe dream -
a lavish success story sold on television infomercials -
 but it never really existed.

That's all any form of success has been to me -
a fucking dream.


Well, I woke up from that dream today and did something.
Made some progress.
I was delighted with myself.

I guess that's really all I wanted to say.

"He turned away and saw
something he was not looking for
both a beginning and an end.
But now he lives inside
someone he does not recognize
when he catches his reflection
on accident"