Listen to the tales and romanticize
how we'd follow the path of the hero.
Boast about the day when the rivers overrun
how we rise to the height of our halo.

Listen to the tales as we all rationalize
our way into the arms of the savior.
Feigning all the trials and the tribulations,
none of us have actually been there.
Not like you.

Ignorant siblings in the congregation
Gather around spewing sympathy...
spare me.
None of them can even hold a candle up to you.
Blinded by choice, these hypocrites won't see.

But, enough about the collective Judas.
Who could deny you were the one who
illuminated my little piece of the divine?

And this little light of mine, a gift you passed on to me;
I'm gonna let it shine to guide you safely on your way,
Your way home ...

Oh, what are they going to do when the lights go down
without you to guide them all to Zion?
What are they going to do when the rivers overrun
other than tremble incessantly?

High is the way, but all eyes are upon the ground.
You were the light and the way, they'll only read about.
I only pray, Heaven knows when to lift you out.
Ten thousand days in the fire is long enough;
you're going home.

You're the only one who can hold your head up high,
shake your fists at the gates saying:
"I've come home now!
Fetch me the spirit, the son, and the father.
Tell them their pillar of faith has ascended.
It's time now!
My time now!
Give me my, give me my wings!"

You are the light and way that they will only read about.

Set as I am in my ways and my arrogance,
burden of proof tossed upon the believers.
You were my witness, my eyes, my evidence,
Judith Marie, unconditional one.

Daylight dims leaving cold fluorescence.
Difficult to see you in this light.
Please forgive this bold suggestion, but
should you see your Maker's face tonight,
Look Him in the eye, look Him in the eye, and tell Him:
"I never lived a lie, never took a life, but surely saved one.
Hallelujah, it's time for you to bring me home."

As spring blooms/

and I try to compete with God/
in an attempt/
 to create things/

to liven our Earthly experience/

through a tale of wondrous mystery/
and lines(lives) crafted to painstaking examination/
only to be discarded/

unnecessary/

unwanted/

and worse still than any of the above,/









forgotten.

Walking amongst the wolves/
sheep disguised as
foreigners/
lost in a land full of
potential/
bursting at the focal points/
and reverberating
 everywhere/
surpassing the unexplored.



We awoke/
in the center of it all/
waiting for the next part to begin...

It's all just... too much for me to take/

when I'm manic.


And when I'm depressed/
It is all too much to handle/
In a different way/

But... an incapacitating way.


In a way/
that makes doing things/
and having fun/
sound like/
chores/
and boredom/
masked in the human disguise/

our guile.../

was our greatest achievement.

I'm so afraid of:

being honest
wanting what I don't need
sleeping, all the time
whenever the boredom goes away
the hectic juggernauts of the corporate world
the ever-changing faces and names
I was supposed to remember.

I don't care.

I can stop looking around
at everything I no longer am interested in
purchasing, renting, leasing, mortgaging, running up credit for.

Stop dreaming of slow death.
We're driving on the jam packed 405, 51, 25 -  whatever road it is that has claimed dominion over transportation.
Bumper to bumper, speeding up to break suddenly,
just follow the car in front of you until you can't anymore.

Stop counting my breaths.
One - air supply has to be running out now  ::  two - someone somewhere else needs this air more than I do
::   three - I've infected it for everyone else now.

And just stare
into nothingness

it's everything I am.

Swim
with me
in this
endless sea

We can replenish the ocean waters with our tears
If we just keep breaking hearts
Stop paving roads

Things were simple
Love was a house and eight children
A monument to a God that looks like me and will always love me

Even if I kill you.
Even if I kill until this endless sea is littered with bodies.


And someone will say
"Oh my God, I knew that guy."

But it's not yours
It's my God.
Stop using His name in vain.


And when the infamy fades, the joy of attention, the love of a camera
it will all end the same way it began

Loneliness.

And the real you,
the one who has eluded us all,
will finally appear from this unrecognizable reality

A truth to behold
A savior to lead my path
A lie I swallowed with little to no gagging or resistance

And I think it was then...
Alone again, waiting for my sign from you
That I realized this nothingness, silence, emptiness, vastness, undeniable feeling that something is missing
This is what you are.

Everything I assumed was a fabrication
Brilliantly woven into sentences and translated across millenniums
Just so I wouldn't feel alone
So I could justify my wrong-doings
So I could sleep at night
So the children who never knew the real you had something better to believe in.


I'm no longer reasonable.
I deserve this guilt.
The safety is off, load it up and aim. Squeeze. Fin.


You were more than I could ever be
And I just want you to stay that way.
Will someone please pay the electric company to keep the lights on?
It's darker than I ever knew darkness to be.
I guess that's part of being infinite. Everything and nothing collapsed into what I will never have a name for.


Please stop. Please come back. Turn around. I'll do something differently, I'll be better. We both will be.


Call off the hounds,
I'm turning myself in.
I want to go home.



"There was nothing to fear, nothing to doubt."